Monkey Boy

I'M NOT A MONKEY,I'M A HUMAN BEING?

NEWS

Sorry,I went off on one,I was quite took back by the loss off Jimmy,so was everyone else,let's give the lad a good seeing off by everyone being their,as I've said before,I had nothing but respect for the guy,as did every one I've spoke to,have a happy new year dude's and take care..........Gaz

Christmass got cancelled

One of our star player's Jimmy Synnott passed away TODAY Christmass.going to miss you lad,CHRISTMASS will never be the same,i had all plans of doing a funny xmass speach,now i'm lost,i'll miss the full onn expressions like "fuck off knob"tears fall,and many more,totall respects.

Opp's I did it again

This is not like me but I had a bit of an accident?

Paddy

Could have sworn i saw ???????

Phil McCann

All the rumors are crap that Phill doesn't clean up in the office?

LOOKALIKE

Paul McCartney lookalike,but why did he want to fight Trevor on the kids night out?

Captain Chaos

Now we know were he gets his trendy gear!
MATALAN (he never saw me by the way)

EJECT A REJECT

I had to throw a reject out my cab the other night,the guy flagged me over the road from Maddigans on Knowsley Rd,he says" Olivia St mate" so no sooner did I set off he says" do a right here mate"(meaning Balfour Rd which is a dead end)"its a dead end hear ye know mate"I tell him but it fell on deaf ears."why do you want to come down here" I asked "its Quicker" came the reply????????????????????????????So I think.........Here we go...................Upon getting to the end of the dead end St I say"I told you it was a dead end" and turn round to drive back.
"Your taking the piss" the guy says
"IM not taking the piss,I told you this was a dead end"
"just take me to Olivia St and stop taking the piss"
As we were approaching the corner of Knowsley Rd (again) I pointed it out .."See that corner,that's were you got in and that's were your getting out"
So I pulled up at the corner and politely say"GET OUT"
At this point the guy gets all apologetic and says"sorry about that,that was all my fault,now can you please take me to Olivia St"So looking in the mirror,I 'm looking at him and thinking ,he's no real threat so I give him the benefit of the doubt and indicate right,just as I start to pull away he says"no do a left it was that road I meant,pointing to another dead end.
At this point I lost my head and shouted"ye can't get down any of these streets,there all dead ends,GET THE FUCK OUT WILL YE"at this point the guy was pretty spooked and was flapping about looking for the door handle,"how...how...mutch do I owe you he muttered" "I DON'T WANT YOUR FUCKING MONEY JUST GET FUCKING OUT"
"No I insist on paying you lad,I've upset you and I'm sorry about that"the guy paid me and got out,there was still a lot of flags around Maddigans but I drove away empty in case they had all been drinking the same stuff?

Paddy O Farrell

This is well out of order,within hours of our mate Paddy getting his cab writ off this appeared on the notice board,I heard a rumor that the guy who did it had dyed red hair(narrows it down a bit)

W32.Chod.D (WORM VIRUS)

I recently got a virus called W32.Chod.D and what a TW*T it was(pregnant fish to Jeff) It shut down AVG anti virus,ewido spyware detector,wouldn't let me connect to windows security centre,and when I typed it in on google,most site's that had its name said sorry this page cannot be displayed ( http://forum.us.dell.com/supportforums/board/message?board.id=si_virus&message.id=45639) was one of the only sites that would work,it seemed a bit complicated at first,i had to download a RAR file,unpack it to my desktop,reboot my pc to start in safe mode(F5 on mine) run the programe then reboot as normall,sorted........ Symantec Corporate Edition never shut down,but it couldent sort it,but it gave me the name of the virus,otherwise i'd have been up shit creek without a paddle.

AM I A COMPLETE BASTARD(I need to know)

I walked into our office and the lads are farting around with a mobile phone that was found in a cab"hey Gary how do you get the videos up on this phone" I was asked,looking at the phone,I didn't have a clue but pretended I did,"its a gay phone" I said upon seeing a couple of young lads picture as the wallpaper,then I got it rolling,the stuff you'd see on a young lad's phone,porn,violence the likes,then a video of the lad dancing to the camera in his bedroom "told ye he was gay" I said,then things went downhill,the next video was of him choking the chicken,then the camera went to his face.............................Then someone said"who's holding the camera" then the whole thing went pearshaped and another guys head appeared and...........AAAAHHHHHHHHH we all screamed,so I tried to switch the thing off but I'd pressed options by mistake,then as I tried to correct that I pressed send,then by multimedia,then it put me into phonebook,a few names down the list said DAD...........Oops did I press SEND...............

59's cab

Spotted 59's cab in the garage,didn't look good? The one from the EYE IN THE SKY CRASH...

Taxi Drivers Xmass Night Out

Went for a pint with the lad's,someone said "alright Gaz,hpoe you havent got your camera with ye"?

Merry Christmass

MERRY CHRISTMASS TO ALL OUR READERS!

JOHN McS NEW HEATING SYSTEM

This guy owns two cabs (not one) drives a four wheel drive car,live's outside sefton (Gatacre or somewhere down Queen's Drive) Look how he heats his cab?What can i say?he laughed when i caught him and had the cheek to ak me if i was still doing the "BLOG"...words cant???........

59d CRASH

Top marc's to Spookey Lukey for getting the video of this crash,pure class,i think i'll make him reporter of the year?

Damned Pic's

Dave Vanian does dress to the left?

The Road To Enlightenment-The Teachings Of Zen

The Road to Enlightenment - The Teachings of Zen
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact, just piss off and leave me alone.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tire.
3. The darkest hour is just before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbour's milk, that's the time to do it.
4. Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any.
5. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
6. No one is listening until you fart.
7. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.
8. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
9. If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.
10. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
11. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
13. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
14. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
15. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windshield.
16. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.
17. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
18. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
19. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
20. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
21. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
22. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
23. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
24. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
25. We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our ass...then things get worse.
26. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

The Damned

This is becoming a regular thing?http://www.officialdamned.com/

Billy (80) New Hair Colour

Young Billy has decided in his time of life,he'd like to be a blonde.think it's quite fetching myself,but someone calling him Quenton Crisp was well out of order?

Mick the P****

How funny's this hey,got dressed up for Halloween,the guy's a hoot?

Andy Taylor's A**e

Someone sent me this pic,is this to remind us about how many people are up this guys arrrr..............(not Jeff Ready)

Quote Of The Week

This has got to go to Albie,when asked by Jeff "what's it like to be obease" to which Albie replied "i dont know,go and ask your bird"

Lie Off (3)

Gunerman went out fishing in a boat, gail forcce 2,but thats alright, but on the way back it was gail force 7 they got tossed every were ,boat got snaped in half,then they had to swim ashore(as ye do_

Lie Off (2)

Neil was camping in wales with his kids when he saw kids joy riding in a stolen car,so he thoght ....i'll show them.....so he went and got his baseball bat out the boot of his car(as ye do while yer with the kids) and hid behind the wall they were doing spins around,as they spined it.....WHackkkkkk.....Neil jumped around the corner and smashed the windscreen,the brake lights went on and the Welsh la's said "wats al that about Knobhead" and tried to attack Neil ....who gave them a good seeing too......But Neil new they'd be back so!packed his stuff and got off.....but ....on the moterway....they cought up with him ,flashing their lights and beeping their horns.....neil kept his calm.......waited till they pulled aside of him then................BANG.........he pressed the nitro button..................170 mph.....untill this day them lads dont know what happened......(neither do we)

Lie Off

After being on the cabs for a long time now i've heard some boss lie's....Jeff Ready is the black belt. His lie's kick Ass..his story about buying a villa in greese and th pump not working in the pool is ledgenary!

New's

Dude's been away for a while,got an early birhday pressie,a new P.C. nothin new to report,believe the Helmet had a minor bump with a buss,got told about a liverpool taxi site,and while looking for it GUESS WHAT ????????......................I've only been registered on ..........GOOGLE............ and our mate Bob Adams from the USA who does a film blog (http://futuredv.blogspot.com/2005/09/audio-news-and-we-hit-2000.html) was there .......Hope ye's had fun tonight (Missy night).....

Whats going on here! A FAIRWAY LIMO.....is this for taxi drivers wedding's....SCAREY....

I'll be on first name terms with these?

I get blamed for all the crashes now?

Going for physio?

REEFA UNIVERSITY

Reefa University
Honours Degree

Reefa University is proud to award Michael Kendal a P.H.D (potentially harmful drugs) in the following areas

Pot Smoking A*

Joint Building A*

Roach Making A*
out of little yellow
Metro cards

Taxi Operating U (ungraded due to being smashed off his tits)

Kenny White (Kenneth)

I really don't know where to start,there is nothing not funny about this story,it has also been kept in(not the closet) the dark for upto 3 years(2 or 3) (the story is nothing to be proud of)Let's start at the verry beginning..........................................Young Kenny,gets a flag at South Rd(Waterloo) A big ginger(beer) haired fella,says take me to Gion Rd Litherland.Take's him their and the guy says"look mate I've got to go in for the money" Kenny susses the place out and says hurry up then mate...........The guy then appears with 2 can's of long life beer in his hands...............And says"here's your money,do you want to come in for a drink"...........Kennys words(I hadn't seen long life larger for ages so it was the end of the night so I was tempted)(I wouldn't)so he has a beer with the guy,who sit's opposite,as they are talking,the guy starts to unbutton his shirt(flirting) and starts to touch his nipples,at tis point Ken gets the drift and says "listen i'm off.alright"at this point the guy stands up ad says"don't go,you said you like the SOPRANOS ,above Ken was a shelf of DVD'S .Then the guy does a stupid fall (how did that happen)and lands on top of ken,Ken push's the crank off,and in a wild fit looks around for something to hit the guy with(something heavy)then in a second breath,get's the fuck out of their?as he escapes unharmed he thinks,what if i hit him in the head with something heavy,and killed the guy,what would the papers of said?????????????? ............................................................ UPDATE..........Upon telling his mrs this scarey story she asks what we all want to know "what the f*** were you doing going into a stangers house for a drink"?

VIRUS AND SPY ATTACKS

THELAST FEW WEEKS MY PC HAS BEEN LAID UP A BIT,RUNNING SLOW,COPYING DVD'S TOOK FOREVER,IM GOING TO TAKE YOU'S THROUGH THE PROCEDURE OF SORTING OUT YOUR PC?http://www.download.com/3000-2144-10045910.htmltry this for free Ad-aware?Also spybot works with this some find some that the other miss's http://www.download.com/Spybot-Search-Destroy/3000-8022_4-10401314.html As well as using windows firewall (sp2 only) zonealarm will work with it alsohttp://www.download.com/3000-2092-10039884.html finally you need an anti virus cheacker http://www.grisoft.com/doc/40/lng/ww All these are free and as good as the stuff you pay for so be safe?

Saw this in BOOTS reminded me os someone?cant think who?

Our mate Jay only dyed his hair for his Wedding?

Jeff Ready printed this.Luke was impressed except for the K.N.A.L. coz he did 3 years in collage!

ALFIE MONFA

MY DAYMAN AND MATE ALF RETIRED TODAY....................................................I'M GOING TO MISS THAT GUY..................................................WHEN I GOT IN THAT CAB,IT WOULD ALWAYS BE SPOTLESS AND TANKED UP PROPLEY....................I HAVE NOTHING BUT RESPECT FOR THE GUY.....................TAKE CARE ALF AND ENJOY THE RETIREMENT,YOU DESERVE IT.

Taxi News

Our mate Albi got coughed taking 6 people to town,he took the bait of getting offered 30 quid,the hackney police nabbed him as he was dropping off,told him to report to the Liverpool hackney office,when doing so,he got his legs severely slapped,putting him on probation for 18 months........ Then young Danny Bolton gets collared picking up in town by Liverpool hackney. ......................... Billy 80 has a crash on Gorsey Lane ,his fault,then goes on holiday while his cabs getting fixed(he should have more crashes).........Now for the bad news. Gary the Kirby Kidda is leaving us,going back on the private hire! I'll miss that lad,he was pure class!

Luke

IM sure this story has been twisted to be funnier but here goes, I hear Luke was in metros office about to go on holiday to his caravan in Spain,people were saying Luke shouldn't you be going?When he eventually left I heard Peggy's father drove them,who is 77 years old,there was a bit of road works and diversions,but when they got to Blackpool instead of Manchester things got a bit worrying. Eventually when they got to Manchester the flight had already boarded,but Luke was insisting to be let on,saying he was going to sue them,the girl tells him you are too late,the best I can do is give you a free flight in the morning. Free sas Luke I've already paid,No you've missed that flight you paid for and I don't have to give you anything.So Luke and Peggy had to stay in the airport overnight but, hey they got there in the end?
UPDATE
----------
Spoke to Luke,said he's not telling what really happened coz as ye know(famouse quote here)(the truth is nowere near as funny).................................(thats my line by the way)

News

Hiya people,I got in touch with my solicitors today about the letter of liability I received yesterday,and he told me it was nothing to worry about,just the other police man in the passenger seat trying it on,and him not being able to enjoy his holiday in Corfu?What can I say,my heart bleeds for the guy,and as for-I) Failed to head or act upon the red traffic signal- ii) Drove to fast- iii) Failed to allow precedence to the other vehicle which was traveling through a green light- iv) Failed to act upon the warning lights and sirensof the police vehicle- v) Failed to take any adequate care for the safety of the claimant, thus exposing him to a foreseeable risk of injury. ------WHAT-------- I didn't realize I was such a knobhead ? I'll drive more safely in the future officer,Honest? Maybe the two police guys don't get on with each other and they are both claiming of each other?

Whats going on?

Was it my fault?

YISSSSS

I dont know how to say this but?...................................YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSS? what a weight off my chest, i can feel a holliday coming onn!

This is what the looked like when we left him?