Saturday, February 26, 2005

Kev knows how lo live life on the wild side.

Friday, February 25, 2005

Snell's Taxisms

Alphaninism= A taxi disease where a
driver believes and trys to convince
others that he's made £260 when he's
only made£140

Battersy dogs home= (to have more
collars than) Snelly

Christmas crackerd= to be tired of
listening to brains's jokes
over the festive period

Costa del contraband= a popular holiday
destination of many a taxi e.g."one five
what was you're weekend in Spain like?"
"sound as. 50 sleeves Friday 45 Saturday
and then 60 on Sunday"

Dinophobia= the fear of Frank Higgnetts
tiny little arms

Dixie's= a horse drawn carriage firm
that was set up by Oliver Cromwell
during the English civil war. This is an
extract taken from a speech by Sir Lord
Jacob Astley at the battle of Marston Moor
"My lord how busy i must be this day.
If i forget thee doth not
forget me as i beg for you to remember
the time old Doyle'y rang Pete Price"

Duded= to be stuck in the garage
for hours upon end listening to bad jokes.
also look under Threetwo'ed and Threefour'ed

Eggy Oakley= Sabre's fastest on the on the
mike so beware of the egg. Weather its £2.50p
or £25 if he's in the rest starve!

Eggtastic Night= to make a thousand pound
more than any other driver in a nights work

Fellaphobia= the fear of three 'o'.
e.g. Anyone rubs me up the snizzle there
fella an i'll get my one seven seven fourteen
loader an pop em' of like this ping ping para
chchchchch ping.

Goonerland= this is a land inhabited by complete
nonsense, where lily savage isnt a man and you're
relatives yo bone you're women.

Goonerfriends= these are fictional characters that
don't really exist, but if they did would be very
useful and good to know. Their occupations are

Alfie Roofleek
Billy Businessaddress
Davey Antifreeze
Joey Puncherrepairkitforakidsbmx
(i think he's from easten Europe)
Frankie Blockeddrain
Harry Carinsurance
Jimmy Greattrainrobber
Tony Decode
Paddy Facupfinaltickets

Humbermiliated= to be caught fornicating with
none human creatures

Hp,fx289hovis(with super woofers)= this is
either one of two things. A bottle of sauce,
a channel on cable, a loaf of bread and a name
children give to big dogs. Or the fastest thing
Ricky Wowser has ever driven

Howey's stag do= to be bored shitless
e.g.27 to charlie10 "whats up with you
had a shit night or have your just been
to howey's stag do?"

Jeff's Villas= a fictional accommodation on
a fictional holiday resort. Unless that is you
prefare to travel via bullshit air Ltd

Kirkbyish= a bit of bobby mingo that
can only be understood in the to arse
shevy park there fella

Lollystick Laughter= to be amused by brains's
bad jokes

Mrs stretch's Menu= the chippy

Mark McCann Mirror= shows the reflection
of a sexy hunky womanising ladykiller who
also happens to be the hardest man on earth.
When standing in front is a baldy ginger
homosexual who couldn't get a bird to
look at him if his best mate was Bill
fucking Oddie

Never Ending Story= this can be heard
in the loud belowings of charlie 10 or the
silent whispers of metro 5 e.g."there was a lady
about mid fourty's 5'6 in height who said "can
you take me to knowsley road post office
please" while she was standing by the priory
"so i took her there and she paid me" (wait
for the tumbleweed)

Nethertonians= People who prefare to
travel by rodent express

Old Doyley'd= to by stuck in the office
hearing about a time when Pete Price
received a very instresting and humours
phone call. If youv'e not heard this before
ask Phil the phone lad He'll be more than happy
to tell you

Peadoscopes= Twonines glasses

Reality Pills= taked twice daily these will
eleviate the notion of owning villas in Greece
or taking home £260 on a Saturday night.
They are said to stop you from getting light
headed when traveling on bullshit air and
proven to be a great cure for alphaninism

Rodentsville= an area of the city more commonly
known as the marian square

Saturdaynight Fever= the fear of being strangled
at 4am Sunday morning when Phil is in the back
tell people about the time old Doyley rang Pete Price

Sabrerist= The hatred of those who once laughed
at us but then came crawling for sets when their
Scottish based enterprise went tits up

Square Cut= the homosexual hair cut adopted by
navel officers and also the rodent type activity which
has led to the dissapperance of work around the netherton

Two Seven Six Eight(2768)= this is both the combined
number of important triangle members and the trouser
size Ethel Austin staff have to look for when stretch is
shopping for his Sunday best

Vince Charming= to have the sophistication of
six two

Wowser= the term used by you're uncle if he
sees you naked in the shower whilst he's dressed
up like you're ex girlfriends mum( latch on uncle


Phill'd Inn = to be updated on all the usuall crap
usually ends with "keep that under your hat"

Kendall Castle.........

This is our office in the daytime,Mike does things to make the place more homely,an English mans home is his castle,king of the daymen?there ye go.

Monday, February 21, 2005


You might find this hard to believe but its true,Elton blows a yellow one(this usually means your being attacked,and you need quick attention) says a white volvo rammed him behind deltas office,(i take this means "the bypass" and not the car park, anyway, drivers are flying around that area,the police are informed and are setting a roadblock in formby,Metro's finest operator was going ape shit trying to talk to him,thinking he wasn't alright,then the clown says "tell the lads to forget about that, my passengers want to carry on" .......................How bad's that?.........
Get a grip lad................
And there's more.
to be updated?

Sunday, February 20, 2005

Just a bit of arse end damage?

At least his lights are working?

Eltons cab

Friday, February 18, 2005

I got asked to publish this but it's a bit harsh to name and shame the tightarse's.

Scotty got a new cab?

Tuesday, February 08, 2005

Shite corner!

Holes in walls and doors where done by rock hard taxi drivers.

Would you eat anything out of this microwave?

I liked this picture,sent in by the kids after their day out.

Recreation room

Our Old Office,goes downhill after this

Sunday, February 06, 2005

I asked tommy why he was looking so sad on this picture and he explained that it was a holliday snap and he was in a bar and it was his round,cant be straighter than that can ye?

The Snell's has earned a new name,is there a letter missing off that reg?

I was shocked when i saw this,someone had taken exeption to stretch's homosexuality,but it was only mr shean not paint?

Wednesday, February 02, 2005


Mick Kendal told me about this at the end of his shift,so it could be totall shit that he's thought up all day while smokeing pot,he told me that a guy phoned him and said that they do taxi drivers nights at the TRUE BAR Tuesdays (sounds fucking true to me) its on TRUEMAN ST off DALE ST and you can get burger and chips for a pound and the bar is 12.00.Sounds fucking great to me bring your taxi talk mags and try and get some swaps? issue 1 in perfect condition is now worth 3 pound 75.Be their or be off the air,oops forgot to mention they have live bands on as well. (blag them about our website for free ale and we'll try it out)


It got pointed out to me last night that our mate Eggy has got a bit of a shamefull past.(i think he's a great guy coz i had a puncture last night and there was no jack handle and Eggy came and lent me his)but i heard when Sabre Taxis was in full swing,some of the lads had a petition to get the Eggman thrown off their system? how good's that, mr personallity,i'm going to have to dig deeper and find the reasons why they wanted him ousted,but in the meentime why cant us Metro lads have our own petition to get rid of him before he becomes an owner driver,just like our Snell,this can only get funnier so let me know the script,stay laffin people.......


Tuesday, February 01, 2005

I get these losers every Monday

Ban Ban kidnaps Rod

Rod from the Square(no longer on the cabs)was tanking up at the Burmah,(this was a few years ago now)sees this little(big)old lady(Ban Ban)struggling with her bags and offers to take her home,(flat on the corner of Staley St,I think)opening the door for her she shuffles him in and shuts the door behind her and locks it with a key!Getting scary in it?....................So Rod says" listen I've got to go here,my cabs outside with all my money in it"Ban Ban says"they all say that and they never come back"at this point Rod begins to panic,looking round the room,its a tip,cloths and crap thrown everywhere,but that's not all,rabbits running all round the place,rabbit shit all over the place,the smell was..................Then out of the blue Ban Ban says "your gorgeous"(this the same Rod) then proceeds to take her top off. Being a very scary person in the first place,now Rod notices a very flat chest,a man like chest,also a lot of cigarette burns on its body,so the warning bells in Rods head said GET THE FUCK OUT OF THEIR so rod says "can I use your toilet" and walks out the room into the bathroom but,SHIT,the window is nailed down,also its covered in cobwebs with loads of insects in them,Rod was now thinking of smashing the window and climbing out,he walks out the bathroom into the next room,the bedroom(ahhhhhhhh)the bottom window was also nailed down,but the top small one wasn't,so Rod climbs out and makes his escape,ripping his coat on the way......
I've heard he went straight round the Elf garage and told all the lads the story,and everyone says its true coz he looked the color of boiled shite.....................