JOKE

An Irish man An Aussie and a scouser were in a pub,they see a man sitting at a table who looks like Jesus Christ,so they send him over 3 pints,larger,guiness bitter.So later Jesus comes over to thank the men for the drinks,he shakes the hand of Paddy who is instantly cured of his arthritus,he shakes hands with the Aussie who is instantly cured of his bad back,the scouser shouts don't you fucking touch me,I'm on disability benefit!..............................LOL

While we can all have a laugh about our selfs,its only funny if you know its meant as a joke?A guy who owned a bar in Cyprus told us a shit joke "what do you call a scouser on a bike" so i ruined the joke and told him "a robber" this joke might have been slighly funny if the guy was a mate,but he wasent.so we left,and he never got a tip,but,his bar will never take off,till he learns when he knows a person good enough to insult them?

What do you think?

CLOCKWORKMARGARET UPDATE

The band have their first gig at the Zanzibar on seal street supporting the wombatts,they emailed a lott of clubs and these got back to them.2/9/06
UPDATE.view their blog @ (http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=99268145)

Nutter

I was just pulling on the Yates rank at about 12.30am when I saw an old fat guy stick his hand out at the shoe market buss stop,so I thought weird fucker and took no notice,if he wanted a cab,he only had to cross the road,so I got out may cab for a gass and looking over the road the guy looked like he had a torch in his hand,(must be his mobile phone I thought)about half an hour later I'm heading back to Yates,when I see Luke pulling away from the weird guy and joined the Yates rank,so I had to ask didn't I ?"what went on their Luke" he says "the guys a fucking nutter,he flagged me,so I pulled over,he walked in front of my cab,shone a torch at my number plate and said"I've got your number,I was only looking at my watch""

PDF FILE

I Did'nt Know Sonic Was A Ramones Fan

BOOTLE CLASS

I picked up a young couple and an elderly woman (the girls mother) they were going to a party and wanted to stop off at an off license for some ale,the young girl goes into the shop then walks straight back out to the cab,opens the door and says "hey ma,ye know when we were snorting before,what did you do with my card"....................................Classy or what?

Toilet Signs

Cyprus Party Animal

Showed them a thing or two?

CLOCKWORKMARGARET

This is my
daughters new
band,they've just
recorded a
cover version of
Elliot Smith's
Say Yes,if anyone
would like to hear
it email me and
i'll send it THANX

BACK TO REALITY

My first night back,I only pick a top class lune up,I was sitting outside The Cat and Fiddle when a guy gets in my cab,I was thinking he didn't look too clever,and he asks to go to Toxteth.......Driving up parliament Street I asked him where abouts he wanted,the conversation went like this...................
Gaz: Where do you want mate.
Nut: Granby Street.
Gaz: O.K. (so I pull into Granby St)
Gaz: Where abouts do you want mate:
Nut: Granby St
Gaz: your in Granby St,where abouts
Nut: just here,how mutch do I owe you
Gaz: 11 pound
Nut: I haven't got it,I've only got a fiver
Gaz: what do you mean you haven't got it
Nut: I haven't got it
Gaz: well your going to have to get it then aren't you
Nut: but I haven't got it
Gaz: well I'll have to take you the police station then
Nut: just let me go
Gaz; I'll tell you what,I'll take you back to Bootle (at this point,talking turns to shouting and swearing,and the guy tries to get out the cab, so I did a uturn and started driving back,looking in the mirror,the guy regains composure and sits back and looks out the window,like nothings happened,so now I'm thinking...The guy's a total lunatic....Get the fucker out...I pull over and said "get out" and he got out and walked away without a care in the world (the opposite way to where he wanted by the way) so I drove back in bewildered thinking.......This is what I missed most about this Job.