NEW GOSSIP

rumour has it that a certain one of the lads went for a drink with his tart and got a cab home and there was a big wet stain on the seat when she got out i wonder who that could be ???????? embarrasing mmm
(i got this email recently and if anyone knows anything about it let me know)

THE WUSS

Hiya ,just noticed we have a new reader who call's himself the wuss,just like to say welcome,and by the way any photo's of drivers cab's crash's etc would be very welcome,post them to (seftontaxis@hotmail.com) THANX

Keep this under your hat..... but

Look at this scratch,looks nothing,should have seen the damage it did to the merc,outside a gay bar........(try not to laugh )
Update.....It wasent a merc,it was a BMW,(if the owner catches you he'll scratch your eyes out)

Phill i love these specs,can i borrow them

Phil McCann on a bad day

Phil McCann on a good day.

THE BIG H

After my recent concern about the H man i picked him up Sat night,priory with his Mrs,said he hasn't bn 2 good but is well on the mend(wouldn't like to have sn him when he was bad)and is getting better so lets look forward to the return of the H man. TOTAL RESPECS..........

Did i ever tell you's about the time old Doyley phoned Pete Price?

Should their be random drug tests for operators

Also should ther be knowledge tests for operators(drivers have to go through it to see if they're capable of being a driver)to be truthful lads I'm getting a lot of feedback off drivers about how bad a certain operator is,giving jobs out to the boys and the like,I think I'm going to have to book an appointment with AT. And get this sorted once and for all...............
Update.............................
After seeing the printout of this site in metro's office i noticed that on drug tests for operators opererators was crossed out and MIKE was written in,so i'd just like to say sorry to mike and all his family and friends who have been offended by all this,by no means was this set about to condemn anybody,it was just a joke.................ye know......didnt anyone get it?am i wasting my fucking time here/give me some slack...................................

Editors Update

I've bn criticized recently about spelling mistakes and bad punctuation,as I've said before this is a comedy site,so fuck off if you don't like it,im also looking for new material all the time and maybe partners in this site,and also if any of the lads have their own site's we could ad their links(not porn though you can go anywhere else on the net for that)

NAME GAME

Here at metro we have a lot of nicknames but can you put names and numbers to them
CHIMNEY HEAD.
DOLL'S HEAD
MR METRO
GONZO
KNOBHEAD
CAPTAIN CHAOS
THE PEDOPHILIE
THE WANKING SKULL
EVIL HANK
THE STUD
JIMMY SOMMERVILLE
THE STALKER
THE CROSS DRESSER
CHARLIE CHUCK
THE PERV
THE WANKER
THE HEARTLESS BASTARD
MICHAEL BARRYMORE
PAISTY FACE
GAYLORD FOCKER
PASTY FACE
FAT TWAT
LEO SAYER
BECK'S
THE WELSH TIT
TWEETYPIE
HEY ARNOLD
THE PAKI
THE FLYING KIDDA
T.REX ARMS
THE GOOD LOOKING GUY
QUENTIN CRISP
TIM HENMAN
THE BADDIE FROM THUNDERBIRDS
STOKSEY 2,3,4,5
STAN THE MAN THE TURNUP MAN
SHREKS DAD
THE DWEEB
THE LYIN TWAT
THE HARDCASE
THE SCREAMING SCULL
SATELLITE HEAD
ARFER
GANDOLF
THE RAT
BOG EYE
THE RAPIST
MR GLUM
HAPPY AL
BIGSY
QUINCY
BOBBY BLING
JASON KING
STAN LAURELL
BOBBLE EYE
GREENGRASS
BILLY BIG WALL'S
BRAINDEAD
BIG NOSE
NODDY
CONEHEAD
NED FLANDERS
cant think of any more,if u can let me know............
Although some people have many names,some hove none and some have names that they are totally unaware of that are only used behind their backs,(half of these may be mine)

I CAN SEE INTO THE FUTURE

I HAD A PREMONITION ABOUT A CERTAIN DRIVER LOSING HIS SET ON MONDAY....I CANT SAY WHO INCASE YOU'S THINK I'M A SCARY FUCKER OKEY WOKEY FOR NOW THEN,IF IT COMES TRUE I'LL BE PRINTING NEXT WEEK'S LOTTERY NUMBERS

The Editor

Hiya,
As ye know my name is Gaz,this is a comedy site as all people invited will expect.......nothing but......................if this site offends anyone,im sorry,dont hit this site again.............and to tell the truth i dont give a fuck anyway so do one...............

News Flash-Snelly breakdown In Bangor.........

One summer's evenng young Snellgrove gets a bloodbank job,to his great surprise,its going to Bangor,a couple of hours later Snell phones Metros office to tell the operator that his cab is overheating,Ste Ready then tells him"when you've dropped the blood off,let the engine cool down then fill it with water"a few phone calls later then Snell phones and says"with all the worrying about the cab overheating,i've just noticed i'm low on juice".
A few phone call's more and Snell say's"i'm at a garage(it's 4am by the way)but it doesn't open till 6am,the nearest 24 hour one is twenty miles away and i haven't enough juice to get their".
6am,Brian phones metro's office(the owner of the cab)"Snelly's brokedown in Bangor"
Ste:"i know"
Bri:"what shall i do"
Ste:"i'd wait till Andy comes in at 7am and ask to borrow the tow truck".
So Bri goes to Andy's house to ask if he can borrow the tow truck,Andy tells him it only does something stupid like 5mpg,but says,tell ye what phone the AA tell them it's one of my cabs and they'll tow it in for you.
In the meantime the police are with Snell and they want the cab moving cos it's causing an obstuction,so they get it towed off the main road and i tink Brian has to pay for it.
But the good news is Snell fially arrived back home,safe and sound at 3pm on the back of an AA van..................................
(This is the first story i've heard of this episode and i've wrote it without talking to snell,so i'll update it when i have moore news)
Later Dudes.
Spoke to Snell he said this account of the story is near enough,but early hours(7am i think)the cab was towed off the main road and snell was left to fend for himself in the new strange world of wales,at 8am he found a tesco's with a cafe in in but when he went in he found it closed,"what time does the cafe open he asked""9am came the reply"on fealing sorry for himself the snell blurted out"listen love,i'm a taxi driver from bootle,my cab broke down last night,i've had no sleep,im stikin,starved,can i please just have a sandwich and a bottle of water and i'll be on my way"on hearing this the welsh wiman replies"are you stupid,i told ypu it doesent open till 9am"
so the snell went off on one big time(as ye do)told her she was a welsh slut and the likes,neadless to say he never got his sarnie's and water,but what can ye do?????????

Phill McCann's Storys

You must all now be familliar with the story of old John Doyle phoning Pete Price(althogh,the chinaman asked his dad about it and he knew nothing)so here it goes
Pete price was supposedly talking about drugs when JD phoned
JD:Hello,i dont agree with drugs.
PP:Do you smoke,
JD:Yer.
PP:Then you take drugs.
JD:I dont.
PP:Do you drink tea?
JD:Yer.
PP:Then you take drugs
JD:I dont.
PP:DO you drink?
JD:YER,
PP:Then you take drugs,
JD:Listen lar,i drive a bit of a taxi for metro cabs and they send you to an adress in bootle and when you get there they say we havent orderd a cab,so ye drive round to the office and there all flying round the ceiling.....................(LOL)

Is Stretch Gender Confused

We all know about Billy 80 wearing his birds pj's(yes the one's with penguins on skateboards)well it seems Steve has gone one better,on holliday the young man went to have a game of bingo on his own(would ye)and also when complaining about being too hot went and put his birds bikini bottoms on(i mean to say).
I think this story is a windup started by his Mrs but I'll leave in on for it's comedy value.
Even if it is just a wind-up about the bikini,going on your own to play bingo is really GAY...
UPDATE
Ste Ready told me that this is genuine cos Clair(strech's mrs)told him,so their ye ye go Stretch you do trap two???????????